Back after a very long time indeed. Was just looking at my previous post! To be honest I had to refer the dictionary twice- for impeccant. Whatever that means!
OK, so, I've been getting zillions of requests from friends all over to write a testimonial for them and surprisingly all at the same time. So i decided to try my hand at testimonial writing. For one thing, it is harder than it looks, especially if you want what you write to mean something. I looked for a guide or a tutorial on testimonial writing . To my utter disbelief none were found! Not a single one. I mean, if there are tutorials which first insult you by calling you an absolute noob, then offer some unconvincing consolation and then shamelessly continue on with tutorials on topics like writing your very own bash script to show you the date, isn't it only logical that someone should have gone through the troubles of guiding us on how to write an impressive testimonial? Evidently not.
Like the bash scripting guide that I consulted ( which is seriously good, if you are interested, that is), this work of mine also I release under the creative commons kind of license- which means you can go around circulating this piece for free but just don't claim that you wrote it. So, now with the legal issues settled, lets get straight to the point.
A testimonial- says wiki- consists of a written or spoken statement, sometimes from a public figure, sometimes from a private citizen, extolling the virtue of some product. In our case, the private citizen (or public figure) is me and the product is you. You can blame capitalism for the blatant insensitiveness in likening people to products, but what the hell- the pope not very long ago wrote a testimonial for cocaine!
Why a testimonial? [Why all this- tell us how to write eh? Have you experienced the pain of having to read through open source documentation- this is just a teaser] Don't ask me 'why a testimonial?'. Technically, that question is out of the scope of this article. But non technically- if you can tell me why an account, I'll tell you why a testimonial. Testimonial, on social networking sites serves the same purpose as do neon lit billboards on busy city roads. Attract people (and flies), give them something to look at other than the uninteresting side (read 'about me'!) of either the guy or the car in front and also warn airplanes where not to land.
As in the case of billboards, what is to be remembered is that what is more important is the billboard and the lighting, not what is written there. In other words, the first rule of testimonial writing is to use language and/or words that are slightly out of reach of the average friend who visits. How do you find the reach of an average guy? Well, for all practical purposes, you- the writer- are the average friend. Which means use language and/or words that you can't completely comprehend, but seem to hint in a particular unanimously agreed upon direction.
About this direction vector- a few more pointers. After you have spent some time with anyone, you'll have a rough idea of what that guy/gal is or at least what he/she is not. With this as your basis, write multiple lines hinting at these points. Never hit upon particular point, be vague about generalizations. Get close to a generalization, say "X does dumb things sometimes" if you mean to say "X is a dumbf*ck". Get tantalizingly close; say "X does dumb things usually". The effect should be for all his/her other friends to agree- or at least show their consent- the language that I mentioned in the first point almost always takes care of this.
Keep the purpose in mind always. Remember whom you are writing the testimonial for. After an extensive survey of more than 3 testimonials, I find most people saying things like "I know him for…";" I remember the time when….”;"I was once…";"I am god..." and so on and so forth. It would be awkward to see ' Selvam Billboard Agency' hogging the limelight on a billboard, right?
Introduce self enhancing points with subtlety. Say things like "this bloke is.." to show them that you've watched a few Brit sitcoms and movies. Or say things like " a true champion like Schumacher.." to show your F1 knowledge. But remember to KISS. Never say things like "she rides like Lance Armstrong…" people might get confused with the other Armstrong {that moon guy} for all you know.
Throw in incidents. They enhance your credibility. Never elaborate on them though- extract a general theme from the incident and remember the point about generalizations. Never make self-effacing comments. If an incident involves that guy saving your life from a killer cockroach, let it go. It is not worth the insult- whoever that friend might be! If you are good at cracking bad jokes, be a good guy and don’t crack bad jokes. Talk about their love life, skim through the lost loves- love adds an emotional touch to the testimonial. Don't mention if you've slept with his/her love already. Don't even mention any future intentions to do so.
And finally, end it with a killer line. The kind to which a Yashraj films climax score can be played. Something like, "I've had many friends, but few....". You get the point I hope. If you have difficulty in ending the testimonial, try watching the end of a Yashraj film. Just the ending though- never ever watch the whole movie- even if you are writing for Yash Chopra himself. And to conclude, finish it in one sitting- however important that person. Testimonials simply don't happen in multiple attempts, it is just too hard to like a person for so long.
For a few quick pointers, see Axey's testimonial to me. He does the generalizations and the pointing well. You can also see Lugai's testi to Nimit.. He says bloke! Now you know he watches sitcoms too. For how not to write a testimonial, open a good looking girl's profile and search for those ubiquitous testimonials with the dots and hash design.
I think this should be a good starter for novices to write testimonials. For more help, don't ask me, just do some insane orkutting. If you want more help on how to write blogs like this one, read open source documentation. If you find it too boring, you are on the right track. So get busy now and start writing me testimonials.
PS: For those of you who are Open-Source Illiterates let me clarify. If you've ever done anything more than orkut, you-tube, music and movies on your computer, you'll know boring documentation is better than formatting the hard disk.
